Important: Date for your diary!
February 22nd, 2008 at 23:55

You might have spotted all of the subtle hints I’ve been placing over the past few months. I mean, if you’re an obsessive compulsive who’s obsession is me. But now I can finally tell you: I’m going to be on the Weakest Link. Yes, the TV game show.

Its going to be broadcast on Monday March 3rd at 5.15pm on BBC One. Tune in and watch me make a fool of myself! (It’ll presumably also be on the iPlayer for the week following.)
I’ll hopefully put some of the “best bits” (assuming there are some) on YouTube afterwards, complete with directors commentary.

So don’t miss it!

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Career Aspiration #1
June 7th, 2007 at 15:56

I wish I was Doctor Who. I’d love to travel the universe in a carbon-neutral flying machine saving the day and solving everyone’s problems, and be the big hero at the end of it – whilst still retaining an air of mystery about myself. Displacing the air of calamity that follows me around now.

The Doctor and I are already quite similar – I’ve been described in the past as “quite eccentric” (by the Weakest Link people, no less) and the Doctor is a man who will ponce around an enemy’s lair like he owns the place – and you’d have to be slightly unhinged to do that.

I’m a bit of an arrogant loud-mouth – just like David Tennant’s Doctor. I already make a point of walking into new situations and acting like I’m an expert on wherever I am. “Ah! Of course! I’m in a newsagents! A classic British newsagents! Isn’t it brilliant?! Look! They sell crisps and a limited selection of birthday cards! Excellent!”

If I were the Doctor, I’d have the charisma necessary to be immediately crowned leader of every group of people I run into, subverting the already pre-established command structure. To follow my analogy through, the shopkeeper would presumably ask me to serve some customers, or maybe fight off a monster that has been bothering him for a while.

I like to think I can be relentlessly upbeat, regardless of how dire the situation is too. And just like Doctor Who, if you were to meet me you’d probably find it a pretty tolerable experience – that is until you log on to internet message boards after and (figuratively) dissect me, only to discover that I’m full of inconsistencies, plot holes and personality flaws.

I think if I were the Doctor though, I’d perhaps try and be a bit more pro-active in fixing things, rather than turning up after the monsters have killed a few people first. I’d especially like to try and fix some of the world’s biggest problems – and there’s absolutely no chance of failure, as long as I’ve got my sonic screwdriver, which has time and time again proved that thanks to its ‘deus ex machina’ button it can resolve any dilemma neatly within about, say, 45 minutes.

I’d TARDIS it over to Africa, wave my sonic screwdriver about (this is not a euphemism) and solve, say, world poverty, in mere minutes. I’d try and sort out the Israeli/Palestinian conflict too, but I think that might have to be a two-parter, as that would require a lot of sonic screw-driving.

I’d be the most annoyingly politicised Doctor ever.

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About Me
May 29th, 2007 at 21:29

Hello, I’m James O’Malley. I’m 20 years old and my specialist subject is drivel.

Here’s a picture of me wearing a suit, to try and create a good first impression:

Now here’s some information about me to provide you with some context for the rest of the stuff on here:

Thrillingly, I’m a columnist in a real newspaper. I’ve just finished being an awful student (studying International Relations and Globalisation), so now you have to address me as “James O’Malley, BA (Hons)”.

If it’ll give you a better perspective on my character: I’m a big geek, a militant atheist and am left-of-centre politically. And I can’t stand traditional traffic-cone-stealing student culture. I also like punk music, but am far too middle-class to really get away with it.

Here are some largely unattributed user testimonials from people who have actually met me:

“Memorable for swearing above the acceptable talking volume in art galleries”

“Slightly eccentric”, a researcher from The Weakest Link.

“Doesn’t seem to know what globalisation is… which is a problem”, a lecturer from university.

“A Fraudulent Hack who seems to have reasonable views by accident rather than by reason”

“He’s Noam Chomsky’s long lost, less informed cousin”, expert techie, JD.

“Give this man a job! In tax.”, unqualified Doctor, Fundar.

“Manages to reference the Nazis in almost every newspaper column he writes”

Have I (figuratively) sold myself to you yet? Why not start reading the blog?

Want to give me some money in exchange for writing some stuff for you? E-mail me on james (at) jamesomalley.co.uk and we can talk business.

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Dumbing Down
March 11th, 2006 at 23:48

I’ve been accused of no longer being entertaining. Apparently nobody gives a “rat’s ass” about politics and all the (proverbial) shit I’ve been (figuratively) spewing as of late, so in an effort to broaden my appeal I’m going to take a look at what’s been happening in my two main sources of content: the news and my own life, and then attempt to satirise and talk about them in an accessible way! Essentially I’m going to pass off other people’s catchphrases as my own, as I don’t indulge enough in pop-culture to talk about real current events.
I was in Leicester the other day and I went into Argos- I filled in the little slip and used the self service payment thing using my Maestro card- there were so many confirmation screens it ought to have asked me: Is that my final answer? Eh? Eh?

Mickey was there with me, and he bought something too. His card wasn’t accepted, though… He is the weakest link… goodbye! Haha!

Slobodan Milosevic dead? Don’t care! Don’t know who he is! What about that David Beckham or Chantelle from Big Brother? What have they been doing? David bought some new shoes? Maybe he needs some new football boots going by how he’s been playing lately? LOL.

I love the new Keane single- it doesn’t sound anything atall like their other songs!!!!!
I was watching the Simpsons the other day and had a powercut. Doh! Aye-Carumba!
Current Music: The Used – Take It Away

Current Mood: Upset and angry with the world, because I’m so emo and that

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