Snorting some hat
September 9th, 2008 at 17:51
A few days ago I was in Camden town, the trendy area of London where everyone is either a hip musician or, by the look of it, a drugs user. I don’t think these two groups are entirely mutually exclusive.
Whilst in Camden, I did something that I’ve never done before. I was a bit nervous about it as I wasn’t exactly familiar with the culture, but the man wearing a long coat who was selling it to me assured me it would be okay, maybe even fun and enjoyable. So after a few seconds of dithering and a high-pressure sell, I bit the figurative bullet and paid his high prices and experienced this new sensation: I was now the owner of a hat.
I glanced around nervously, wondering if anyone would see me trying the hat on, but then I realised “I’m in Camden now, everybody does it”, and placed the hat on my head… It seemed to make me look moderately trendy – this hat was powerful stuff indeed. The hat itself was a trilby, the sort “ska” types like The Specials used to wear, and it seemed to give me more street cred than I’ve ever had – people will look at me now and no longer think I’m a total square, but they’ll say things like “That James O’Malley is a bit of a character… he knows where it’s at!”, and invite me to all of the coolest parties.
I’m not entirely sure why I’ve never encountered hats before. Whilst some of my friends have been hat users for years, I’ve managed to steer clear of fashion accessories like this without any problems. I mean, obviously I’ve used hats that have been prescribed to me – I’ve worn hard hats on school trips to building sites and the like, but I’d never bought a hat off the street before. I’d previously claimed I didn’t need hats, I was too good for hats, that I didn’t need a hat to enjoy myself, and even actively mocked friends and warned them about what a hat does to them. Maybe, after all of this time, I have to admit that I was wrong?
When I was out with my friends on Saturday night, we were having some good fun as we usually do, but there was an element of danger and mystery added to the mix, as I took along my hat. They were drinking, so as time went on and as decision making skills became increasingly impaired, my hat and the hat that one of my friends has brought with him, began to be passed around the group – everyone were sharing the hats with wreckless abandon.
So now I seem to have entered a whole new world, a new subculture. When I’m not wearing my hat, and thinking rationally, it scares me: I don’t know where the hat will take me, what it will make me do or whether I’ll have any trouble with the fashion police, but when I’m wearing my hat, none of this seems to matter – I feel more at ease with myself and the world, and this could be very dangerous indeed. Just say no, kids.
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