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Ancient Conspiracies
November 21st, 2007 at 01:43
These days, you get the occasional crackpot claiming that they don’t believe that man has landed on the moon – nobody believes them, of course, because of all of that pesky evidence, like rockets, flags, and the involvement of thousands of people in making it happen. The only thing that these conspiracy theorists are good for is being one of the handful of people who really do deserve a punch.
The thing that makes conspiracy theories persist though is that they have the remarkable ability to sound vaguely credible for the first few seconds after you hear it, before the faint whiff of bullshit becomes overpowering and induces retching.
It makes you wonder though: surely, hundreds of years ago, when people had a greater propensity towards believing utter bollocks, there must have been loads of conspiracies? All we hear about these days is modern things, like the moon landings, Roswell and Richard Madeley being a government experiment gone wrong that they can’t hush up because he just keeps talking.
Did Columbus really land in the New World? How do we know it wasn’t just faked by the Spanish government to boost national morale and one-up the other European Superpowers? The evidence is pretty shaky after all – just like the moon landings, there are discrepancies with the photos… the discrepancy being that they don’t exist… mighty suspicious, don’t you think? And frankly, a land of technologically-backwards savages who speak a strange jibberish language that’s incomprehensible to the civilised world could just as well have been Wales. Funny how Columbus didn’t come back with a new passage to India, eh?
And even if the Spanish did invade and conquer the New World, who’s to say it was about spreading Christianity and Spanish values like they claimed? It was obviously just a resource grab. A War for Gold. The second they’d got over there and set up a puppet government, they ruthlessly exported the gold back to Spain, which is what their economy relied on to keep going.
And what about the 5/11 attack? The so-called Catholic plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament was really orchestrated by the British government, to give them an excuse to stir up anti-Catholic sentiment and clamp down on civil liberties. Guy Fawkes was just a scape goat – someone to blame. Its funny how he was being directly supported by the British government under Mary I just a couple of decades earlier. No one man could have arranged for that much gunpowder – the British government must have known about it and let it happen.
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