_Noise_Conspiracy.jpg "The (International) Noise Conspiracy - 002-09-17: 9:30 Club, Washington D.C., USA")
Subsistence Shopping
September 6th, 2007 at 16:16
I hate shopping. I imagine that if the creationists are right and I end up in hell because of my atheistic beliefs, when I get there they’ll have just finished pedestrianising the main street in hell to allow for easier access for shoppers.
Its not that I’m a raging anti-capitalist who simply can’t bear to live in a world where currency is exchanged for goods and services, I merely cannot understand how people can derive enjoyment from determining which set of saucepans best defines them. I’m glad that I’ve not yet reached an age where I have to make an important decisions about whether to go for the kitchen tat with the brush-metal finish or the more traditional cast iron set.
Subsistence shopping is the worst. You know the sort – buying essential things you need to live, like clothes and food. Because you know that it’s necessary it is like a chore and the outcome is purely functional. At least when you buy things you don’t need, like gadgets or CDs, you can imagine how it will enhance your life. You think that now that you own an iPod you’ll be able to listen to music wherever you like and you’ll be able to block the tedious everyday noises like birds singing or cars crossing your path with the sound of guitars being thrashed about like you’re at the greatest gig in the world and not walking to the bank to pay in a cheque.
If you’re just buying clothes or food, there’s no net gain – you’re merely sustaining the boring lifestyle you already have. The words “Shoe” and “Shopping” when combined is the most soul destroying phrase in the English language. More so even than “Celebrity”, “Love” and “Island”.
The bizarre thing is that shopping has got out of control – you might be surprised to learn that shopping is big business these days. The family owned butchers and bakers have been driven out by the Supermarkets, whilst the candlestick makers has been replaced with yet another branch of Subway.
The existence of shopping is the cause of another cancer on the face of humanity: advertising. Advertising is creating aspirations by showing us how we will achieve world peace if we all drink CocaCola or how you’ll attract hoards of women if you use a deodorant with a macho name like “Cyclone”, “Xpanse” or “Fistfight”. Advertising makes people believe that if they own more stuff, they are better people. This is probably the reason why whenever you see a limousine driving through town, you no longer wonder which member of the royal family is inside, you just wonder which bunch of slags are having a hen night.
Shopping is essentially the sum of all that is wrong with humanity. Our decadent lifestyles are perpetuated by the exploitation of millions of people in poor developing countries, but we don’t care as we’re locked into a world system where power is concentrated into the hands of the few and we’re too drunk on consumerism to give a damn. Shopping has become like a new religion that is every bit as violent and divisive as the beliefs it has replaced, only instead of torturing the non-believers in churches, every Saturday afternoon we flood the shopping centres and bow down to Saint Michael, the patron saint of aspirational Middle Class food and his representatives on Earth, a Mr Marks and a Mr Spencer.
So yeah, I don’t really like shopping.
Post to: [ del.icio.us ][ Digg it ][ Furl ][ Netscape ][ Newsvine ][ reddit ][ StumbleUpon ][ Yahoo MyWeb ]Categories: Columns, Rants, Silly Stuff |
