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Climate Change
March 9th, 2007 at 01:58
I’m becoming increasingly worried about climate change. Not because it might put Norwich under water- I consider that only a minor tragedy compared to the fact that I might have to change my ultra-consuming lifestyle. Despite trying to be a caring, liberal environmentalist, I’m pretty rubbish at helping the environment, and I waste a lot of energy. I drive a car, drink imported spring water and buy products made from natural resources like oil and chocolate.
In fact, I buried a battery the other day. One of those big nine-volt ones that require crocodile clips to power anything – now all of that potential energy is locked up underground, rendered useless.
I had a lecture today on the environmentalist movement and international relations (conclusion: IR doesn’t deal with the environment much), and just last week spent my seminar discussing the CERTAIN DOOM we’re going to face IN OUR LIFETIMES because of our reliance on fossil fuels and routine fucking of the environment (conclusion: a nuclear holocaust would at least be a quick death). It seems pretty much agreed by everyone but a handful of nutters on the lunatic fringe of society that climate change is the biggest threat facing our society today.
I think the whole terrorism thing is a bit misguided: what we should be declaring is a WAR ON WEATHER.
We’d have to evacuate the Scottish to somewhere further South where the weather is less hostile… but think about how much more exciting weather forecasts would be on TV. They’d be presented by a stern military General in a dimly lit room, who’d address the viewer by their last name. There’d be a ragged map of the country spread over the table covered in little counters representing weather – which the General would move around with a flat-headed stick, and they’d be lots of arrows showing weather movements and predictions of where they’ll strike next.
“At 1600 hours sunny spells were sighted in Kent, whilst a band of low pressure flanked by thundery showers is currently advancing on the North-West. Civilians should be prepared by full aerial bombardment by heavy rain, as the weather does not discriminate when it is attacking. The government are advising you carry an umbrella.”
Let’s face it, at least it’d be much less complex than the current BBC Weather graphics.
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