_Noise_Conspiracy.jpg "The (International) Noise Conspiracy - 002-09-17: 9:30 Club, Washington D.C., USA")
On da farm
December 2nd, 2006 at 02:14
Following on from the revelations about emo kids and suicide bombers, I’ve spotted another series of interesting parallels between two seemingly unconnected professions: farmers and gangster rappers.
I’m from a small town in rural England- I don’t think I’m “ghetto” or “black” enough to be a gangster rapper. At least- this is what my careers advisor told me when I was 16, much to my disappointment. However, I think I might be able to get away with being a farmer.
And what would be wrong with being a farmer? There’s certainly plenty of bitches and hoes in the agricultural industry:
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Gun ownership is also high among the two communities, and both drive large cars that pollute the environment more than they should. And both are no doubt awake in the early hours of the morning either “pimping” or “milking”, whatever they mean. Both are regular drug users too- although farmers only tend to put them on their crops.
Both have nearly impenetrable jargon they use to keep outsiders like myself out. What the fuck do “Ooh-arr” and “Bling” mean anyway? And what about their music? Its all shit. (I assume all farmers sing One Man Went to Mow).
And farmers like Tony Martin certainly aren’t averse to popping a cap in someone’s ass.
Basically, I’m suggesting that there ought to be a barn rave with Old MC Donald, harvesting some beats, or whatever it is gangster rappers produce.
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