Jehovah’s Witnesses
December 17th, 2006 at 21:21

I looked out of my bedroom window at around lunchtime today and saw a large black land rover parked up on the kerb, and some important looking people in long black coats striding about the streets. I knew it was one of two things: either Jehovah’s Witnesses were hawking their religion again, or Torchwood were in town.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be the former.

Don’t get me wrong- this isn’t going to be yet another blog entry having a go at religion. Yes, I don’t particularly like Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I think that if they were in a court of law, they’d be done for perjury (or, er, bearing false witness- just like the commandment), but my main problem is that I just don’t trust them.

I think its their technique- going door to door, trying to get you to buy into their beliefs- its like the religious equivalent of the Kleeneze catalogue. I think I’d probably have more use for a facial sauna than eternal salvation anyway.

I think they need some help marketing their religion, so here’s what I’d suggest:

• Don’t break the first rule of marketing: don’t piss of your potential customers by waking them up on a Sunday morning.
• Perhaps go for a viral campaign. Have a video of a dog with a firework attached to it or whatever, and put it on YouTube with a link to your website.
• The whole “only 144,000 people are going to heaven” thing is a bit negative – brand it like a lottery. “There’s 144,000 chances to win an eternity in paradise! Join us now and it could be you!“
• Cash in on Harry Potter, and justify your irrational dislike of blood transfusions by calling all, er, transfusioned people “mudbloods”. Yeah, this is a bit similar to Hitler and having a go at the Jews and calling them names and that, but he had a lot of fans- y’know, before the whole getting pwned by Russia bit. (Additionally: If I’d read Potter, I’m sure they’d be some mileage in a “Harry Potter is like the Nazis” blog entry).
• Change your product to fit your market: offer eternal salvation but with less commitments, like going to church and that.

This marketing consultation will be four million pounds please.

Comments(1)

1. annoymous
   January 6th, 2007 at 9:04 am

   You need to research the whole 144,000 again because JEhovah witnesses don\’t beieve that only Jehovah witnesses are going to be those few in heaven. THe ones going to heaven will rule over the earth beside Jesus. They will be Kings and Priests. They will be the one and only government. Have eternal Life doesn\’t mean heavenly, The bible clearly states in Ecclesiastes 1:4 that the earth will be permanent. There for why would God create the earth to endure for time indefinite if humans like ourselves were not to live here on earth. The wicked will be done with on earth during armageddon right…well the bible states that a large crowd will survive that war. If all the good are suppose to go to heaven and all the unrighteous are to go to Hades then where does that large crowd go? They aren\’t trying to market their \

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Similar Posts

• Lots to report
• Top Books
• Smoker caught talking politics on train
• Halloween
• Bitter about religion