Window Cleaners
June 21st, 2006 at 15:38
I hate window cleaners. I’ve had a run in with them before, but they keep on irritating me.
I don’t have a problem with the noble profession of applying soapy water, and then watery water to glass per se, I think I just dislike the individual “pond life” who woke me up this morning.
I was having a reasonably pleasant night’s sleep. I was dreaming about saving the world from nuclear holocaust- the dastardly Russians had stationed some mid-range nuclear weapons in Cuba, and I had to sort out a naval blockade, act macho, and then conceed pulling my own nuclear weapons out of Turkey on the sly.
Just as I was in the oval office, looking over the spy plane photos, two loutish generals in the corner of the room (does an oval have corners?) started talking about a football match that happend 44 years later. I suddenly woke up confused- there wasn’t a nuclear button in sight, and all I could hear was talking and squeaking, alarmingly close to my head. It was two window cleaners, standing on the roof of the garage, that shoots out a bit further than my house itself (if you can picture that).
In a way, it’s probably a good thing that I was woken up- had I remained sleeping any longer, I’d probably have been shot by a nutter from a book depository a year later.
I’m not sure if the window cleaners realised that I was only a few metres in front of them- after I realised what was happening, for some reason, I pretended that I was sleeping. I’m not entirely sure why I did this. I think my logic was “being asleep makes this slightly less embarassing”.
After a few minutes of hearing ladders clattering against the sides of my house, and window cleaners faffing about, things suddenly went silent. I creeped up to my bedroom window and slowly pulled apart two of the strips on the blind to see if they were still there- and there was no sign of them. The strange thing was that the windows still appear to be dirty- they clearly havn’t done a good job… or they were actually trying to burglarise me, but then aborted after seeing me.
Mind you, this this isn’t half as bad as last time they came and “washed” the windows- I’d just got out of the shower, and was wearing only a towel- when I was getting some socks out of a drawer by the window, I just saw a man peering down at me. Terrified, I ran to the otherside of the house, only to see the other window cleaner now cleaning the bathroom windows. Trapped, I ended up spending what felt like a life-time sitting on the landing with all of the doors to rooms closed so that I could hide from the windows, worrying.
I hate window cleaners.
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