_Noise_Conspiracy.jpg "The (International) Noise Conspiracy - 002-09-17: 9:30 Club, Washington D.C., USA")
The Jukebox
April 26th, 2006 at 20:03
I drove into Leicester last night for the second time, with Bouff and JD, to go to a studenty pub or two. Yeah, my life is just one long party.
In terms of driving, it was alright- even navigating the inner-ring-road was okay, apart from some last minute lane changes, which probably broke a few traffic laws. At least my driving was better than another car we saw on the way back- it ran a red light and the camera watching it flashed to take photos. It was excellent.
We got to my university’s area, and I realised that I might have to park at some point. This terrified me as the only parking I’ve done in the past has been either on the drive at home or in a car park where I could just drive over two spaces so that I’m facing outwards again. The only space we could see was on the side of a road, and a space that I’d have to parallel park to get into. Terrified, I got Bouff to get out and watch from the pavement, and I put the car into reverse. I waited until the back of the car had passed the car in front of the space before going into a full left-hand-lock. When the road had disappeared out of the back window and Bouff’s trampled corpse was causing the car to raise up from the ground in an irregular way, I went back into a right-hand-lock and the car was in. Textbook. I even made the cars in front and behind a little more sporty by compressing them a bit.
I’m aware that last paragraph is probably the most tedious parallel parking anecdote you’ve ever read, but it’s the only way I can really communicate my joy at successfully doing this. Much like the surrounding cars literally were (wern’t), I was figuratively on fire.
We went to The Graduate, which you may or may not remember from when I went to see Robin Ince. In the graduate, there an amazing jukebox. It’s hooked up to iTunes or something, and as such has access to practically every song, ever made, ever. So we set ourselves the challenge: who can play the most unbearable or obscure music to everyone in the pub?
We managed to get the following played:
- Vicious Battle Raps by DJ Format
- Straight Edge by Minor Threat
- The introduction music to Planet of The Apes, which is essentially just sound effects
- Ante Up by Bane
And best of all, The Only Good Fascist is a dead Fascist by Propagandhi. Aside from the excellent tune and lyrics (“Swastikas and clan robes, sexist, racist, homophobes!”), the version on the jukebox had about two minutes of telephone-quality spoken word rambling about politics either side of the one minute song.
Everytime a new song came on, all of the other patrons got up and went over to the jukebox to see what the hell was playing. The plan for next time is to get some of the (eighteen minute) background music from The Matrix playing. Or Format’s Il Culinary Behaviour. I won’t rest until the whole pub is deserted because the music is so unbearably obscure/left wing.
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