Bowling
December 31st, 2005 at 16:33

I’ve done it! After nearly a month of careful planning, I managed to go bowling for the first time in years, and as it turns out, I’m still terrible at it! To be honest, this happend two days ago but I’ve been too busy and lazy to write about it.

JD, Soph, Charlie, Will and myself, made our way to Leicester- and whilst trying to get into the Shires shopping centre, as a shortcut to the bowling alley, we were confronted with essentially a wall of people walking towards us. As we fought our way through, Soph overheard the public address system telling everyone to evacuate… this was slightly worrying to say the least- especially because I was about twenty feet inside the building, and if it exploded I’d undoubtably been blown to pieces.

We made it to the bowling alley alive, and it was slightly different to what I was expecting. Rather than being well-lit and bowling orietated, it was dark with lots of neon lights, full of arcade machines in the foyer with loud, yet terrible, music going in the background. I think I must be getting old as I saw this as more of a drawback than a bonus.

Anyway, after a quick game of Time Crisis, we were bowling- we were even wearing the proper shoes and everything.

Despite looking really professional in the above photograph, I actually posed like it for twenty seconds whilst the camera loaded, and then through the ball straight down into the gutter.

JD meanwhile, despite winning, still managed to do something that’s very “JD playing pub skittles-esque” in that he through the ball backwards towards the rest of us- who were waiting patiently and not in a defensive stance.

It’s hard to over-emphasise how terrible at this game I actually was- even using the metal aiming frame for children sent the ball off in a seemingly random direction.

But it was alright really- as the primary school football team say in assemblies: But overall, we all enjoyed the match. (ie: the game of bowling).

Back in Harborough, the others ran off and JD and myself went to what is unfortunately now our local, and I lost again at Pool. Twice. We played doubles with some more new pub friends and I we lost that too. Damn.

The next game I’d try and win at would be Trivial Pursuits…

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The Producers
December 30th, 2005 at 00:58

Last night, Heather invited me to go and see a film with her, Thom and Emma- The Producers. Obviously this blog update is laced with spoilers and figurative cannabis, so if you don’t want to know what happens, tough, as you’re already reading. The show is actually really successful and the “heroes” go to jail for defrauding $2million from sponsors, but then get let out in a crappy ending.

To my horror, it turned out, that it was a musical.

Not only that, but it was one of those clever musicals- there was a musical inside a musical. Now, I never go to the theatre, or watch girly films (I usually demand at least one bloody death a film… or at least a good fight scene), so I’m not really “in” with what’s going on in the world of performing arts for people who can’t quite act and can’t quite sing… But is it me, or is there a musical in a musical in practically every single musical?

I apologise for the repetition of the word “musical”, but that’s what it is. A musical. Musical, musical, musical. Musical.

Heather has previously told me in the past about when she either did the lights for or simply watched (I don’t listen enough to actually know) a musical where they… put on a musical as part of the plot. Even in the cinema waiting for the film to start there was a trailer for a rather excellent looking film starring Steve Coogan, where they make a film inside a film.

I suppose they keep doing this because they think that it’s new and original- yet by these standards, generic DOOM clone #86 is groundbreaking and making people say “gasp!”.

The film itself was surprisingly alright- although the singing spoilt it slightly. There was certainly some witty moments, and as a politics student and closet fascist, I particularly enjoyed the jokes about Hitler and that. The show-within-a-show, Springtime for Hitler, aside from being the only bit where the singing was sort of justified, was really entertaining. I think songs about Nazis are always funny. It didn’t really have the shock factor that I wasn’t expecting though- it might have been “OMFG Hitler” in 1960 or whenever the original came out, but the lovely internet has de-sensaionalised me a bit. It takes this to shock me.

Unfortunately, the film also attempted to do some slapstick comedy… which just didn’t work very well. “He’s fallen over… hilarious!”, “He’s trapped behind the door… christ on a bike, I’m in stitches!”

It was also about twenty minutes too long… it should have ended with them doing the same thing in prison with the prison musical as they’d done to get themselves in there… instead, it just carried on with song… after song… after song. There was a rather bizarre scene with the main character, who’s name I’m not going to attempt to spell, who is in prison pre-trial, and essentially sings a summary of the plot thus far- taking lines from the earlier songs and executing them in a way that doesn’t rhyme and doesn’t work.

Overall though, I must grudgingly admit, it wasn’t that bad- not really my cup of tea… the sort of Diet Coke of the cinema world. It was alright, though, and bearable, and the time spent seeing it was better than what I would have done had I not been there (sat at home, sobbing quietly about why I hadn’t been invited to see a film with my friends).

On the way back I was treated to the three others singing songs from musicals that we hadn’t just seen, which was… interesting.

Seven on ten.

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Categories: Films, Friends, Socialising |

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Pub friends
December 28th, 2005 at 02:46

JD came round earlier to see if we could wreck up my laptop even more. We somehow managed to nearly snap the screen off- but this is largely irrelevant. We ended up going to the pub as it was easier than locating miscellaneous screw #344.

It was deserted. You’d think that with it being only a couple of days after Christmas it’d be packed full of cheerful people doing happy things- as it turned out there was approximately four other people in there. Just the regulars who are in there all the time sitting around the bar and looking a bit intimidating. It was so desolate whenever the jukebox went off you were embarassed to speak.

After a few minutes the pool table became free so we of course had a few games- I believe I won at least two out of three. Whilst we were playing we could hear the only other two voices in the pub- two men of about 50. They were talking about when they were younger- one explained how he really wanted to be in the army, and the other how he was injail. “:-S”, I thought.

After JD and myself had finished our three games, the criminal one came upto us and challenged one of us to a game. I was quite wary about this, having been hustled in the past. JD on the other hand, was “yeah, he’ll play you”, pointing to me.

So it began: me vs a scary old man in a deathmatch to the death (figuratively).

I think all the snow had caused hell to freeze over- I actually won, against a man who looks like he spends far too much time in pubs, and had been playing pool for like, forty years or something. Better still, after this we played doubles- me and JD versus the two of them… and we won again! They beat us on the rematch, though.

The weird thing is, it appears that next time I go to the pub I’ll be able to nod and say, “alright?” to them, or something. I’ve essentially made a “pub friend”. Maybe soon I’ll be fully integrated into the pub community, rather than just using the facilities to consume Pepsi?!

Stay tuned!

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Presenting: Heather
December 27th, 2005 at 17:33

I went to see Heather this morning, to give her her Christmas presents. I think it went well- I wasn’t thrown out immediately, and dare I suggest she even liked some of them?

I’d decided an order in which to let her unwrap everything too- theory being I can offset the crappy or disappointing ones with the really good ones straight after it.

First up was some sort of women’s tat from high street retailer Lush. No, I’d never heard of them either until last Tuesday. It turns out that the pre-wrapped package contained soap… or something. I’m guessing that it did anyway, as the entire shop smelt of it- as did my bag after transporting it.

Next up was a bit of a gamble. I’d got every photo I could find of the two of us printed properly at a Klick photoprint store- onto glossy paper and everything. I’d then assembled them into a photo album that was so cleverly thought out that on every right hand page was a picture of us together (at a fireworks party, my 18th, and so on), and on the left hand page a related image of one of us or something completely irrelevant. Like me and Kilroy, again. I think this was well receieved! Hooray!

Just in case that was a failure, I’d lined up a guarenteed A+ present next… a new headset for her computer. It’s perhaps the only thing ever that Heather’s expressed a desire to own in terms of consumer goods. Needless to say, I couldn’t lose.

I think the best present was next. A signed photo of me.

It was printed like a proper photo, framed especially, and signed with a silver pen I’d bought specifically for the job in hand. I wonder if it’ll stay on her bedside table next to the alarm clock where I set it up? Personally, I can’t think of anything better than waking up and having me staring at erm… myself, wishing “best wishes”.

The killer present, and thus final present (it wasn’t going to kill her… she was still alive when I left, at least) was some sort of bracelet bought from a jewellers. I hope Heather liked it - I even got the extended expensive insurance cover!

Overall, Heather seemed generally pleased- her sister, who I’m unsure whether to namecheck or not, wasn’t though. She said on at least three occasions that she “hates” me because neglected to buy her a present too- an offer of sharing the signed photo of me (addressed to Heather) didn’t seem to make her happy either. Women!

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iAmElitist
December 26th, 2005 at 02:42

Christmas is ace. More specifically: recieving presents is.

As you can see above, I recieved a lovely black iPod- it’s now loaded up with every CD I own, and every photograph on my hard disk… and still has over 20gb to spare! I’m now approximately 400% more elitist than I was before, and about 4000% more likely to get mugged on the train. Hooray!

I’d talk more about how great my iPod is but that wouldn’t make a good blog entry. What else did I do?

For some reason, my parents bought me a Telly Addicts DVD quiz game hosted by none-other than Noel Edmonds. Now, I’m not one to query the thinking behind buying gifts, and I fully admit to watching a lot of television… but unless there was either a Newsnight or News Presentation round, I think I’m slightly buggered. Nevertheless, Lucy and myself got a respectable ten points.

Luckily, the only family I’ve had to see today (Christmas day, I’m posting this after midnight), have been my grandparents. Somehow they managed to get me Tony Hawk’s American Sk8land, for the Nintendo DS. This is especially exciting as not only is it proper-3D Tony Hawk’s on a handheld system, but it’s one of the first NDS games to use wifi- I was shocked and delighted to find out that it picked up my router and got me online quick as anything. Before I knew it I was owning n00bs at skateboarding! Fingers crossed I’ll be able to take it to Uni and use the wireless network there and stick it to the man electronically!

One of the highlights of the day, because I didn’t have to talk to my family during it, was the Doctor Who Christmas Special. I enjoyed it a lot, and David Tennant looks like his performance will be this in the next series: not bad at all. The funniest part of the programme wasn’t the “oh no, that was the Lion King” line, but was in fact my mother saying “this is all a bit farfetched, isn’t it?” when the Doctor and the alient were sword fighting on the ledge of the spaceship over London. This after seeing an alien time traveller befriend a former popstar and travel the universe fighting aliens and saving the world every week, and having this weeks aliens control people via their blood, and park a huge ship of Independence Day proportions over central London.

After ‘Who we attempted to play a makeshift version of the Channel 4 gameshow, Deal or No Deal, coincidentally presented by none-other than Noel Edmonds. What this basically boiled down to was the boxes represented as marker pen on train tickets (the backs look alike), and the rest of the family not understanding my complete and utter lack of enthusiasm for a game of chance- it was like bingo or the lottery, only painfully longer.

Next we did the traditional family thing and had a game of Trivial Pursuits. It was hard to bear. By this point, I’d spent probably around 10 hours in the presence of my family. I’d have won too, only needing one more segment, but by this point we’d lost the will to live.

Overall, it was a good Christmas day- certainly better than last year. Nine on ten.

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So this is Christmas (Eve)
December 24th, 2005 at 14:31

Christ on a bike! It’s Christmas eve, and as such, I feel obliged to mention it on my blog. One of the things blogs are hyped up to do is act as an instant barometer for world reaction to big events- to the extent that the papers are pasting in what bloggeers have to say and passing it off as objective commenting. This is exactly why on July 8th of this year, a day after a small bit of London was blown up I instead linked to a silly flash film I made, and then one day later, spent a good three hundred words talking about when someone winked at me at work.

So really I should talk about Christmas.

I’d tell you all about my trip into Leicester to buy women’s tat for the women in my life (Heather, mum, sister), but that’d spoil the surprise somewhat.

I think the most festive thing I’ve done so far is watch what I assume was a Christmas special of Family Guy (it was about Christmas)- I assume the Century of Warfare Christmas Special is on Christmas Day itself.

I do like Christmas though. I mean, apart from the having to interact with my family. Presents are excellent. I mean, tangible presents, like a book or a CD. Intangible presents like car insurance can be a bit haphazardous in my experience. This is why I’ve only bought tangible gifts for everyone- a CD-R containing what Kazaa said were rare punk covers of my favourite songs, and unopened, mint condition Liberal Democrats newsletters. I bet they can’t wait.

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Downfall
December 22nd, 2005 at 20:31

That Hitler… he was a nasty piece of work, eh?

That’s right, I’ve been watching more television (as opposed to participating in more historical battles). Thanks to the magical Sky Plus, today, during the wasteland that is the mid-afternoon TV schedule, I was able to watch Downfall that was on More 4 the other night. Whilst other lesser-beings were no doubt enjoying Cash in the Attic or Having a life, I was watching a German-language film about the end of World War II (The Nazi’s didn’t win).

I felt very elitist- not only was I watching a historical drama, relevant to my degree, it wasn’t even in English! Everyone in it spoke like Krauts! I had to read the subtitles- dubbing into English is so below me.

Best of all: I enjoyed it. The German’s may be a race of humourless, talentless, war-mongering nationalists*, but they know how to make a film gripping. It lasted for, according to Sky, 170 minutes, yet I never tired of the plot- although the pause button was useful every so often.

Overall: Nine on ten!

*Comedy racism, not actual racism- I save that for those damn Swiss.

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Laptop Inheritance
December 22nd, 2005 at 20:08

The other day JD came round to see if we could get the hard disk out of my old laptop. I’ve been trying to do so for ages, as I really need to get at all of the silly internet videos I’ve downloaded over the years- like the one of the man drinking a pint of beer, then being sick into his glass, and then drinking it again. Oh, and some chat logs too.

Trouble is, as you might have read in previous posts, it was stuck behind a seemingly needless piece of metal, which no screwdriver could conquer… Apart from the correct type of screwdriver JD bought round today. After near dismantling the whole thing- unplugging the screen, removing the many layers of plastic and metal, the battery, the heatsync, the RAM, the many loose screws that the outsourced Taiwanese worker had just chucked in the case for good measure, we discovered that all that needed removing was these four screws.

Needless to say, the hard disk’s now running out of a USB caddy in my desktop. It was certainly thrilling if you were here- and I feel the need to mention it, otherwise it’s almost as if it never happend!

Phase two is reassembly, and then turning it into essentially a media set top box. I don’t think it’s going to happen somehow.

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Sky News Paper Review
December 21st, 2005 at 03:07

Right, so I’m watching the Sky News review of tomorrow’s newspapers on the interactive loop, listening to the two invited studio pundits talk about whatever’s going to happen tomorrow.

One of the men was sitting at the desk talking about the complexities of the EU budget, and how Blair can debate, but he can’t negotiate. “What an insightful point he’s making”, I mused. “I wonder who this interesting and accurate commentator is?”

The loop ended and began again. “Joining us now is someone unimportant and captain so and so, a record producer“. A record producer! What makes his opinion about politics any more informed than mine?! Was it his purple suit? Or was it his informed opinion on Elton John’s wedding tomorrow?

I should be the one on Sky News talking about Britain’s EU Presidency- I’m the real journalist, afterall.

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A real fire this time
December 20th, 2005 at 16:23

It’s been an unusual day so far today. Finishing my lunch I noticed a large column of smoke in the distance- although it wasn’t that far away. Determined to investigate, and to participate in the new trend for “citizen journalism” that everyone’s talking about, I grabbed my camera and my sister Lucy and I went to investigate.

On walking through the ‘rec’, we discovered that it was in fact the village crackhouse that was on fire- a house that’d been boarded up at the back of a field which used to contain sheep.

It was quite exciting- there were a handful of chavs on bikes also stopping to look- some going right upto the fence and being only metres away from the inferno. They were dead cool though, as they had their trousers tucked into their socks.

When we walked round to the “front” of the field, it was quite dramatic. The police had cordoned off the two entries to the road in front of the field (a hard perimeter, in 24 terms), and there was three fire engines tackling the blaze. Excitingly, most of the village had turned up to watch- including my journalistic rival from across the road, who was also there with a camera. (He also took pictures when the neighbours called the fire brigade, too).

Let’s just hope nobody was hurt, otherwise I’ll feel a bit guilty writing with this somewhat upbeat and excited tone!

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