10/09/2005 02:57:00 PM|||James O'Malley|||

I spent yesterday evening at Thom's 18th birthday party. He's the so-called "theatery ponce" who's good friends with Heather. It's a good job he's really camp, otherwise I'd be worried by his closeness to Heather and his constant upstaging of me.

The ponce passed his driving test before me (ie: I havn't passed mine yet, despite learning for longer), and then goes and wins thirty two pounds on a scratchcard, compared to my four.

This said, he isn't sixteen times better than me.

Prior to arriving at Thom's, Heather and I had prepared an excellent birthday present- a print out of a DVD box, of a DVD that we'd bought him, which isn't out yet. Not only this, but we'd bought a box, and carefully replaced the label to read "Thom's Box from Heather & James".

But wait, there's more! We Heather had also got him some bubbles and straws- and being the fans of consistent branding that we are, we stuck "Heather & James Present: Bubbles/Straws" on that too.

He was delighted. We didn't anticipate all of the innuendo caused by the latter two presents, though.

The best bit was that I got to see all of my old friends from the year below me, again- including Sid, who always used to cheer me when I walked into the Sixth Form Centre at my old school.

Incidentally, the worst bit was that I had the "good fortune" of seeing my nemesis again, Kayleigh. Turns out she has read my e-mail (see the previous post linked to), and didn't want to dignify it with a response. Silly northerners.

Because I was at a party, and because Heather looked disapproving, I decided to try and build some bridges. "Kayleigh, why don't we start afresh, and draw a line under our past differences?", I asked, before adding, "you shit". It was going well until then. She went a bit mental. I mean, more mental than usual. I think. It's hard to tell when someone so terminally awful becomes even worse.

Later in the evening, I tried to actually build bridges, re-use metaphors, and extend the metaphors beyond their natrual end.

I actually wanted some sort of "peace", so I used proverbial cement and some sort of (proverbial) cabled-stayed design cross the gulf of disdain between us.

Unfortunately, I phrased it in exactly the same way as before, so before I could finish a sentence she slapped me. Well, sort of. It wasn't even a very good "slap", in that it was more her flicking my face with her fingers, causing minor pain. Kayleigh: try harder- quite literally, too.

Other than that, it was a very enjoyable evening- thanks for inviting me, Thom!

|||112886911959460874|||Thom's Party