9/14/2005 03:35:00 PM|||James O'Malley|||

I had what could have been my last driving lesson ever earlier today- my driving test is on Friday, at 9:37am. The likelyhood of me passing is slim- my instructor still tells me that I would have failed for whatever I just did, every few minutes.

It's particularly unhelpful when he reminds me that the examiner would "tell you [me] to pull over, turn off the car, and he'd terminate the test there in the interest of public safety. You'd then have to wait for up to TWO HOURS for me to come and find you". It doesn't fill me with confidence, to say the least.

My main problem at the moment seems to be three laned roundabouts- I can't seem to get my head around when you switch lanes and so-on. My other main problems are two-laned roundabouts, mini-roundabouts, traffic lights, bay parking, parallel parking, reversing, going straight down a road, staying in lane, not wandering about the road like a loon, and not hitting bollards. This said, I've got a mean three-point-turn. Unless I accidentally hit the accelerator when reversing, or don't apply enough of the accelerator to make the car go forward when doing some clutch control.

Anyway, my point is- if I do pass, which is unlikely- this could be my last-but-one day as an environmentalist- in fact, I'm fully expecting to do a U-turn on Friday. Both in my beliefs about car usage and the environment, and involuntarily during my test.

I mean, its just my luck that on the same week that some nutters who don't understand basic economics threaten to protest about petrol prices, that I have to have a car full of petrol to take a driving test in.

I mean, not wanting to babble you with science, but if you were the manager of a petrol station, would you lower your prices if you had queues of paranoid motorists PANIC BUYING?! If anything, I'd raise my prices - I need to pay for the extended three digit sign somehow!

But then again, I suppose the entire automotive and fuel industry is shit. Not literally, of course- if it were literally shit then the environment would be marginally better off, as we'd be using a ""cleaner"" source of fuel.

Imagine I'm ranting about American interventions for oil and the whole oil industry here- y'know, the standard lefty stuff. I'm not just talking about Iraq, mind. Think of the failed coup to take down democratically elected leaders, and getting the secret police to shoot up peaceful protestors who want a nice environment rather than your oil rig fucking up the eco-system.

Let's not forget all of the emissions cars produce- there are now viable alternatives but the oil lobby who pay for the US election campaigns for both teams, and thus the elected government returning the favour by giving them big contracts and stopping any competitive technologies from emerging. But then, America is run by a man who isn't a big fan of science.

Hmm. Looks like I did go into the anti-oil rant a bit.

But petrol prices should be kept high, because the last thing we need is more cars on the roads, for obvious reasons.

I'm mainly writing this so I can look back on it with contempt when I do pass, and discredit my former views on this sort of thing, and join the mindless pro-car people. People like Jeremy Clarkson- who once said "Do not, ever, swear at or curse people in cars or trucks. You are a guest on roads that are paid for by motorists so if we cut you up, shut up."

Its horrible really- I don't want to be an aggressive motorists who likes burning finite resources and going dangerously fast. For some reason, I've got a mental link between Clarkson and being really quite right-wing about certain other issues. I've no idea if he is the Derek Clark of the BBC Two Sunday schedule, but he's still a twunt.

The worst thing is, I've noticed the transformation happening already - I hate most cyclists already, as they caused me to smash my mum's car up, and in my driving lessons, I can't seem to help going fast. I can also name certain types of car beyond what I used to be. If someone had said to me "what sort of car does your instructor have?"- rather than respond "a... blue... car", I could now tell you it was a Diesel Corsa. THAT is how advanced I am at this driving lark.

The questions now is... this time on Friday, will I be a so-called "petrolhead"?

|||112671031060707857|||No blood for oil.