8/10/2005 09:35:00 PM|||James O'Malley|||

What?! No blog update for five days?! Have I not been doing anything?!

Of course, I've been doing things- but as usual, they'd just be insanely dull if I told you things about them. Of course, I've found it exciting, and I hope Heather has too, but you, dear reader, would be bored to tears. I'd say quite literally, but lets face it, my life isn't that upsetting.

I went to see Charlie and Chocolate factory today. Erm... Heather wanted to see it. Yes, that's it. Heather wanted to see it, honest.

Having seen the 1970s original a few times, and having had the novelisation read to me as a child, I wasn't expecting any surprises- it was much darker (for a kids film) than I'd imagined though. The other surprise was that David Kelly was in it! I thought he was found dead in the woods!

The good points in a review are boring, so I'm going to moan about the bad points.

Americanisms! Roald Dahl was British- the original novel was, I assume, set in Britain, yet the film makers had sold out and set it in America- using dollars. It was ridiculous, especially when you consider what the film is about. Did the scriptwriters not check the title of the film? Charlie and the Chocolate factory, NOT "Candy Factory". They then get the quaint British grandad (the unimportant one) tell Charlie to get a mark or stain or whatever off of his "pants"- think of the connotations for the British viewer!

The other irritation was the Wonka Bars in the film share a brand with the erm... Wonka Bars sold in my place of work- the place of work I hate so much! It bought lovely memories flooding back. The other (vaguely) interesting thing is that "Wonka" brand chocolate bars, in the real world, are made by Nestlé, whom evil has a controlling number of shares. I don't need to document how evil the company is, as it's widely done. All I'll say is "Too tasty for geeks? WTF?". Oh, and they exploit third world workers and get third world babies hooked on their milk, so they reject erm... mother milk. (I know I'm a hypocrit, I buy Nestlé things without thinking it through too).

Other than that, and a terrible mistake involving using the incorrect Iraqi flag in a certain scene, I enjoyed the film. Apart from the parts where the CHILDREN in the CINEMA were TALKING throughout. I mean, for fucks sake children, TURN YOUR MOBILE TELEPHONES OFF AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. This was down the front, mind.

On my right, was the lovely Heather. On my left, was a WOMAN with a SMALL CHILD. "A golden ticket!", she'd scream every time a Wonka Bar was on screen. Does she not know the plot?! "He keeps walking into the glass!" she's cry. He walks into the glass twice in the entire god damn film.

I don't like children in cinemas, aircraft, schools, shops or places of worship. Actually, I don't like children.

If I were Quentin whatsit, head of the BBFC, I'd make every film an 18, regardless of content- to keep young people out, and so I wouldn't feel so embarassed about going to see what is essentially a children's film.

Overall: 8/10. Not bad.

|||112370765158877929|||Charlie and the Chocolate Factory