7/22/2005 07:58:00 PM|||James O'Malley|||

I've spent the last couple of days slackin' it up with Heather. It's been lovely, as the most difficult thing we did was erm... go shoe shopping, as I needed some more shoes. We both say we hate shopping- I know I do, for a fact. Heather though, may have been saying so just so she can be as cool as me.

So why did we go? My mother has a horrible habit of speaking to my friends, and mentioned in what was slightly more than a throwaway remark, that we should go shoe shopping. Heather, in what must been a challenge from some sort of higher being (or indeed a casual aquaintance) to annoy me by constantly agreeing with my mother about what's best for me, encouraged this idea to the point of having to act on it. Long story short, we went to Brantano. Spoiler: the trip was unsuccessful, although I did manage to get some nice cheapo speakers for my new computer.

I only own one pair of shoes- the non-brand name trainers that have become an essential part of the James O'Malley Collection- alongside such stalwarts as the blue fleece and "black t-shirt with slogan". (If you know me in real life, this probably has more relevance). My erm... shoe collection, peaked during around Year 8, in school terms- I owned trainers, "proper" shoes and bizarrely, football boots, which I hasten to add, were only worn once a week for the unfortunately compulsory PE. Since then, it's been a downwards spiral of laziness. Since I entered the sixth form, nearly two years ago now (I've technically left the school now), I've done away with even for the formal shoes. Only the trainers remain. I'd be buggered at a wedding. (Not literally). My current shoes (a term that only just manages to make it into plural territory) actually have holes in them. This means that, should I want to, I could push apart the rubber soles and fit my fingers through.

I hate shopping. I hate shoes. It's unfortunate that the concept of "shoe shopping" exists- presumably this was a concept dreamt up by some woman, to torture male colleagues.

I mean, shopping can have its merits. Take, for instance, buying expensive consumer electronics- at the end, you get a shiny new toy that has "oodles" of functionality, and will get hours of usage. You can connect it into your current media setup and use to enhance it. Shopping for dead sheep(?) to strap to your feet, meanwhile, is positively mundane. Shopping for other things is rubbish too. "Whoopee! I've just bought some bread!". Ph33l the excitement.

Shoes are crappy. Yes, they serve a purpose, but a very dull one. I don't care what's preventing me from obtaining more blisters, as long as it works. I mean, would it kill them to put in a pedometer, GPS and integrated bluetooth? I'd love to upload my movements when I walked in range of my computer- and plot my journey on Google Maps. But no, the best "they" can do is put a brand name on the side and so-called "laces" on the top.

This doesn't sound good. Shoes + Shopping = The most uninspiring combination of words since Celebrity Love Island.

During the trip, I made a point of ignoring Heather's suggestions. I walked away from the shop, empty handed. I couldn't find any shoes that were identical, or nearly identical to the ones I was wearing.

I hate shopping. Today, I applied for a Nectar card.

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