6/28/2005 11:39:00 PM|||James O'Malley|||

I can't quite believe the situation I'm in... it's lovely. I've got the next fourteen weeks of absolutely nothing. This isn't pretend nothing, with revision I should be doing, this is really nothing. The only limitation to my nothing is work on Saturdays and probably Sundays too. But other than that, it's five days a week of glorious nothing.

That's right kids, the exams are over, and in fourteen weeks time, I'll be coming to terms with the fact that I'll be living at the DeMonfort University in Leicester. The very thought of having to look after myself scares me a lot, so I'm trying to repress this as much as possible.

I havn't really got any plans for the summer- I'm not going on holiday with my family this year, assuming they go somewhere that doesn't involve flight. I don't really like the idea of them all dying in one go, in one plane crash. If they took three individual flights it'd be alright, as at least some of my family would be left over.

Needless to say though, that the family holiday week will be full of teenage parties and wreckin' the place up. I may even need to learn how to use a dish washer, given that it'll be a full week of living on my own, rather than the couple of days I've been left for before.

To cope with this eventuality, I've transcribed the instructions my mum gave me last time I was left at home over the weekend...

"Pre-wash" ~5 Minutes

1) Load dishwasher- load with dirty glasses etc
2) Turn dial to number four
3) Press the "start" button
4) Wait until stop

"Main Wash" ~90 Minutes

4) Open up dishwasher
5) Put dishwasher tablet in tablet hole. Ball down
6) Make sure the tablet door is shut
7) Close dishwasher, turn to number two
8) Press "start" button
9) Wait until stop

I didn't actually take this advice, as I bought paper plates instead. I'm sure this advice will be useful at some point in the relatively near future.

I've actually deliberately avoided learning to do anything practical like dishwash, iron, vacuum, cook, sweep, and other women's activities (!) so that I can't be called upon by my family to do them. I let them get on with it, and live happily in my ignorance.

In my defence, I generally keep out of the way when they're doing these things, and I'm very low maintenance... as long as I've got my beloved internet. I own seven t-shirts, three pairs of trousers, and several pairs of identical socks- they all "go with" each other in the fashion sense, so I don't have special requirements with regard to washing clothes. My sister, on the other hand, the other day recalled the last time she went "out" without straightening her hair, as it must have been quite a distressing experience for her. It was just over a year ago when she went to Blackpool. Imagine the various clothing demands she makes to go with this.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't need to contribute to the ground level workings of the household- I see myself in more of a strategic guide, setting out the long term agenda and direction of the family. I think outside the box, I use blue sky thinking. I simply don't have the time for operational level activities.

|||111999928559113934|||Fourteen weeks of fun